By TalesFromFlorida.com
Oh, Florida Man—er, Florida Congressman—you never disappoint. Fresh off his second-term swearing-in, U.S. Rep. Cory Mills (R-FL) is now under investigation for an alleged physical debate at his swanky D.C. penthouse. And by “debate,” we mean the kind where hands and feet allegedly do the talking.
According to reports, the incident involved a 27-year-old woman who claims Mills—an Army veteran, mind you—escalated a verbal disagreement into a full-blown WWE audition. Police noted “fresh bruises” on her arm, which, let’s be honest, is not the kind of souvenir you want from a romantic getaway.
The real kicker? While cops were interviewing the shaken woman, Mills reportedly called her mid-interview and—wait for it—instructed her to lie about the bruises. Because nothing says “innocent” like coaching your accuser in real time.
Mills, of course, denies everything, calling it a “private matter” that will be “resolved quickly.” (Translation: “Please stop asking about this.”) Meanwhile, D.C. police are now investigating themselves for somehow deciding this was just a “family disturbance” and not, you know, an alleged assault.
Key Takeaways:
✔️ Weapons Used: Hands and feet (Congressman Mills clearly skipped “Diplomacy 101”).
✔️ Location: Luxury penthouse (because nothing says “humble public servant” like bruise-related drama in a high-rise).
✔️ Best Quote: “Let officers hear Subject 1 instruct her to lie.” (Spoiler: Subject 1 is Mills. Smooth move, Congressman.)
Stay tuned, Florida. This is either the start of a very awkward political scandal or the world’s worst rom-com. Either way, we’ll bring the popcorn. 🍿