Oh, Florida. Never change.
In the latest installment of Florida Man vs. Common Sense, a 65-year-old gentleman named John Phillips decided that the parking lot of St. John Vianney Catholic Church was the perfect place to throw down—over a handicap spot, no less. Because nothing fuels righteous fury like a parking dispute outside the house of the Lord.
The Scene of the Crime (AKA the Church Parking Lot)
Jenna Delzingaro and her mom, Marti, were just trying to pick up Jenna’s 5-year-old niece from kindergarten when Phillips went full Florida Man mode. Apparently, he took issue with them parking in a handicap spot—despite the fact that they had a valid handicap sticker.
But logic was not on the menu that day.
“Blinded by Rage” (And Possibly Lack of Coffee)
Instead of, you know, asking politely or minding his own business, Phillips allegedly:
1. Yelled at them like they’d just cut him off in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru.
2. Slammed a car door into Jenna like it was WWE SmackDown.
3. Punched her in the face because apparently, words are hard.
Jenna, rightfully stunned, said, “I just couldn’t believe it.” Same, Jenna. Same.
The Real Victims? The Bystanders Who Filmed Instead of Helping
While this parking lot brawl unfolded, Marti said people were recording the chaos instead of stepping in. Because in 2025, if it’s not on video, did it even happen? Meanwhile, her granddaughter was screaming in the car, traumatized by the sight of her grandma and aunt getting into a fistfight with a man who clearly missed the memo on “Turn the other cheek.”
The Aftermath: Bans, Charges, and a Whole Lot of Regret
Phillips was arrested and now faces charges including aggravated battery and false imprisonment—because nothing says “I’m a peaceful churchgoer” like trapping someone in a parking lot and throwing hands.
But here’s the real kicker: The church banned the Delzingaros from school property. That’s right—the victims got the boot while Phillips gets to enjoy his newfound notoriety as “That Guy Who Punched a Lady Over a Parking Spot.”
Moral of the Story?
Next time you think your family gatherings are chaotic, just remember: At least nobody got punched over a handicap spot at church.
Stay classy, Florida.