Because of course this happened in Florida.
A 65-year-old man decided to take “Florida Man” to a whole new level this week when he allegedly turned a simple road trip into a full-blown action movie—complete with punches, a stolen phone, and a dramatic woodland escape attempt. Spoiler: It didn’t end well for him.
The Ride From Hell
According to the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office, a woman was just trying to be a good Samaritan by giving this guy a ride from South Carolina to Florida. But as soon as they crossed the state line, things took a turn.
Instead of saying, “Thanks for the lift!” or “Wow, Florida’s humidity is brutal!” the man allegedly decided to throw hands—literally. The woman told deputies he started punching her, then dragged her out of the driver’s seat and tossed her onto the ground like a discarded Publix sub wrapper.
The Great Escape (That Lasted 10 Minutes)
After the impromptu MMA session, the suspect apparently thought, “I can outrun the cops!” and bolted into the woods near I-95.
Bad move.
Enter K-9 Kylo—Florida’s furriest law enforcement officer—and his handler, Deputy Tyler Clements. Body cam footage shows Kylo sniffing out the suspect like he was a dropped chicken wing at a tailgate. Within minutes, the man was found hiding in the bushes, probably regretting every life choice that led him to this moment.
Oh, and deputies found the woman’s cellphone in his pocket. Because of course he stole it.
Sheriff’s One-Liner of Justice
Sheriff Bill Leeper dropped the mic with this gem: “This arrest highlights the importance of having K9s like Kylo. We continue to devote time and resources into the training required for these K9s to make sure suspects like this man can’t escape law enforcement.”
Translation: “Don’t mess with Florida K-9s. They will find you.”
Moral of the Story?
If you’re gonna hitch a ride to Florida, maybe don’t punch your driver, steal her phone, and then try to outrun a dog named after a Star Wars villain. Just a thought.
Stay tuned for more Tales From Florida, where the headlines write themselves.